The Von Foxies are Seattle's newest burlesque power-trio: Pidgeon Von Tramp, Heidi Von Haught and Elsa Von Schmaltz. They have honed their skills under the bright lights of the Emerald City stages and have been taking their little town by storm since November of '04. These kinky minxes enjoy playing with the boundaries of sexuality, gender and decency while engaging in their distinctive brand of bait 'n switch bump 'n grind. They adore burlesque in all its forms- traditional bombshell beauty, queer gender-f*ck draglesque, hilariously naughty satire and politically powerful theatre. If you are ever in the Pacific Northwest, they are a treat not to be missed.

Heidi Von Haught

Miss Heidi Von Haught was born in the back seat of a taxi racing down the streets of Paris, France. The illegitimate child of a courtesan from Spain and a man suspected of being a spy for the German government, Heidi learned to take care of herself at a young age. When, at the age of five, her mother dropped the life of a French courtesan to join the circus in America, Heidi helped make ends meet by picking the pockets of wealthy spectators. Even when she was caught in the act, her sweet, sincere, innocent blue eyes and dazzling smile kept her out of too much trouble. She was, however, not without a gentle side and quickly became best friend and care taker to the myriad of human freaks who toured with the sideshow. Her first loves were Andrew and Alexander Simonson, the sideshow’s tightrope walking Siamese twins. Heidi remembers the circus fondly and the smell of elephant manure still brings a smile to her face.

At the age of eighteen, Heidi left the circus to forge her own life. Like all beautiful misfits, Heidi fell in with a bad crowd faster than you can say “pasties.” She spent the next three years on the back of a motorcycle, running the streets with a gang of hoodlums, learning to use all manner of dangerous weapons.  Fortunately, the life of a dirty biker was not meant for Heidi and she left her gang for an affluent marketing executive who promised to give her pearl necklaces and shower her with money. It was during this period of elegant excess that Heidi began to dance. With no need to work or steal, Heidi had time to search for her true calling and found it in the world of burlesque.

Pidgeon Von Tramp
 

Born into an affluent urban household little Pidgeon had her every want and whim catered to. Dressed in pink ruffles and tiny diamond tiaras she spent her days having tea with the other socialite children and riding her pony, Wildfire. But as Pidge entered adolescence she began to sense that something was missing. The feeling grew and strengthened until that fateful day when at seventeen, she found herself at a Carnival. Bypassing the carousel and midway with all its stuffed toys, she succumbed to the pull of music coming from a large tent in the back corner of the park. It was the Burlesque tent. Lifting the door flap she entered. And there, on the stage in front of her, as she stood in the stifling heat of the dusty, dirty, sweaty tent she saw the most beautiful women she had ever seen. Cooch Dancers. The emptiness inside her was instantly filled and she never looked back.

Elsa Von Schmaltz
 

Elsa Von Schmaltz was born in Schtuppenstiltz, Germany and lived there until she was 9.  Growing up eating nothing but sausage, pickles and assorted sliced meats influenced Elsa as she and her family relocated to a small farming town in Illinois.  It was her arrival to this agricultural location that launched her exploration into her relationship to animals. 

Spending her formative years in a rural American farm town, Elsa longed to experience the glamour of the big city.  Every week she would put together dance numbers and perform them for the farm animals.  After her chores were done, Elsa would slip away into the barn and dance the night away.  The pigs were her most appreciative audience.

Eventually, Elsa made it off the farm and found her way to the glamorous Emerald City of Seattle.  Studying various forms of theater, dance, and crafts, Elsa knew her calling was as a burlesque performer.  Honing her skills in Miss Indigo Blue’s Academy of Burlesque in the fall of 2004, Elsa made her burlesque debut with her piece “The Other White Meat Mambo”. Soon after, Elsa met Heidi and Pidgeon, and the three decided to form a burlesque troupe.  The Von Foxies were born.  What a coincidence that all three members each had the middle name “Von”!

Ernie Von Schmaltz

Ernie Von Schmaltz is originally from the same small Midwestern farming town as his cousin Elsa. Growing up, Ernie and Elsa often played together at family gatherings. Signs of Ernie’s love for the ladies started early, as he was always chasing after his cousin, holding his crotch, and yelling “Sandbox action, sandbox action!”. Usually this sort of taunting would prompt Elsa to throw the leftover jello salad at Ernie, ensuring them both a night of being banished to their rooms. 

Instead of heading to the northwest to study the arts, Ernie migrated to southern California and immediately found work in a local 7-11. Spending countless hours eating processed cheese, Slim Jims and thumbing through issue after issue of “Jugs” magazine, Ernie knew he was cut out for more than just being a night supervisor; he was destined to be a ladies man. Taking cues from other famous ladies men like “Jesus” from the Big Lebowski, Ben Stiller’s character in “Dodge Ball”, and his good buddy Frankie from Jersey, Ernie bought his first Camaro and began to dress in what would become his signature material; polyester.  

Working at the 7-11, while lucrative (Ernie was able to save enough money from this job to buy his first Camaro), was not rewarding. He decided to migrate to Seattle and learned that his cousin was in a burlesque troupe, The Von Foxies. Ernie immediately started loitering at rehearsals, knowing that the place was bound to be crawling with babes. Eventually, after months of watching him lick his lips and touch his mustache, The Von Foxies finally relented and let Ernie be the honorary fourth member. Heh heh, member, get it?